Many of my clients have a history of being betrayed and/or feeling abandoned (physically or emotionally) by a parent, friend, or significant other. I have been there. I know it is extremely painful and takes time to heal.
I consider the biggest betrayal of all to be Self-Betrayal or Abandonment. Many of us don’t even realize it is happening. Most of us start abandoning ourselves at an early age to get our needs met and continue to do it into adulthood even though we are now meant to take care of ourselves and meet our own needs first.
Physical or emotional signs & symptoms let you know that you are out of alignment with who you truly are- anxiety, depression, exhaustion, extra weight, pain, thyroid issues, and even chronic illness. Breakdown in another life area may also let us know we are abandoning ourselves- love, money, work, etc.
Remember, you can only begin to change what you are aware of & accept…what does self-betrayal & abandonment look like?
– Not acknowledging or expressing how you truly feel and think to yourself (and others)
– Doing something you don’t want to do to please someone else
– Doing what someone else tells you to do vs. what feels good/true for you
– Allowing someone to treat you in an unacceptable way- criticize, ignore, control, call you names, physical or sexual abuse
– Staying in a relationship or job that is not fulfilling
– Consistently putting others needs, wants, and desires before your own
– Judging and criticizing your self
When we become aware that we have fallen into this pattern (again), it is necessary to first have compassion for ourselves. Remember we started doing this to get our needs met, to survive as a child- get love, money, safety, etc. Next, you will want to look at all areas of your life and ask if there is anything that is not truly honoring you that you need to let go of- job, relationship, behavior, belief, etc.
Tips & tools to start stop abandoning & start loving, honoring, and trusting you:
1) Take time to reflect & write (with compassion/curiosity) on why you abandon yourself. When did it start? Why do you continue to do it and with who? What are you afraid of losing or not getting? Approval, safety, money, love, security?
2) Is there anything you are giving your time, money, or energy too that you know you need to let go of to love & honor you- A job, relationship, belief, pattern/behavior, etc.? What do you need to start doing or giving your attention to?
3) Carve out time to do you something “honoring” of you each and every day- physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and financially.
4) Each morning and before bed, grab a notebook and write how you physically feel in your body, emotions, thoughts, desires, etc.
5) Listen to the guided T.M.P. practice to connect, love, and trust YOU daily
6) Join us for the Self-Love & Trust Program